Friday, January 7, 2011

Nothin' But A Good Time versus Raise Your Glass

Hahaha, where to start? First of all, I just found out it's only ten in the morning yet I feel like I'm walking around at half-past three in the afternoon. Okay, I promised you results and a story, so here goes. Let me start off with a song as I always do...
"I'm always workin' slavin' every day" - this part describes me well. "Gotta get a break from the same old same old. I need a chance just to get away, if you could hear me think this is what I'd say: Don't need nothin' but a good time. How can I resist? Ain't lookin' for nothin' but a good time, and it don't get better than this..." Thank you to rock legends Poison for such general drunk thinking in their lyrics 'Nothin' But A Good Time', although the Teddy Geiger cover is much hotter.
Then, I realised I couldn't decide between this song and Pink's, "Raise Your Glass." Hope it fits: "So raise your glass if you are wrong, in all the right ways. All my underdogs, we will never be never be anything but loud and nitty gritty, dirty little freaks. Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass, just come on and come on and raise your glass!" Totally kickass song!

Okay, so yesterday I got the verdict: I got six A's!!! Whoopee, and I don't know how it happened, but I actually got an A in Maths for the first time in my entire teenage life. Think: 5 highschool years, 20 terms and a lot of D's and C's for Maths. Then boom! A big fat A; I could cry but my granny already did that while I was trying to read my friends' results. And I increased by more than 25% in Physics - I needed only 5% to get an A! Yessis, that was awesome because I thought I was gonna fail Physics yo. But of course, my Science Teacher dad didn't seem happy with my results, and I was a bit upset that the parentals weren't going to let me see my sister yesterday. My granny told me today that she convinced them to let me go out with my sister last night. And this is where the story starts:

First, my parents took my grandparents and I out for lunch yesterday and that was really nice. Plus, my grandfather gave me quite a big some of money yesterday. He told me in September that he would give me a thousand bucks for every distinction that I managed. Thank goodness that didn't happen, because I would never ever take six thousand rand from an old man, but he did give me a smaller amount, thank the Chivalry Lord. Okay, so after a bunch of phonecalls and a billion texs about my results, I eventually managed to get changed at 4pm to go and meet with my sister. So I get to the mall at 6pm, and my parents just drop me off in the parking lot because they'd apparently "lose it" if they had to walk me in and see my sister with her boyfriend the anti-Christ. Then, I greet my sister - let's just refer to her as Mrs. Depp from now onwards - and we walk to the other side of the mall where her boyfriend, his band mates and a couple of other strangers are sitting and having a few drinks. That's where it pretty much went all wrong. My sister tells her BF that I got six A's, and then one woman hears, then a guy, then another guy, and soon the entire table has this brilliant idea to celebrate my nerdy achievements by ordering one too many. The waitress first brings me a lemonade (with I think Southern Comfort in it) - twas pointless coz it tasted like lemonade on crack if that could ever happen. Then the first shot comes, and it's three layers of brown and cream, and another layer of plain stupidity. Utterly gross gross gross. Then they all order more drinks for themselves, and decide to bring my sister and I as a celebratory drink (I think) a Jameson 'On The Rocks' and that was alright, I guess.
Now, if you think about it, by then I should have already gotten tipsy. I mean, I only ate five hours before, and I never had a glass of water or anything since 2pm. By 8pm I felt like I was going to fall off the Himalayas. And then more shots come. The rest of the strangers left, because they had to work today or show a straight face for their boss or spouses. So, it's only the band mates and my sister and I left. And one random stranger guy. So we head to another place IN another place, and by now my sister had to hold my hand to help me cross the road. Heck, Charlie Chick helps me cross the road when I'm sober and now...
I get a text from a friend saying 'Congratulations' on my results. I start walking sideways while texting, and manage to type in English.

So, we get to the other place which is right near the mall we were at before. I forgot my ID (stupid ass me) and we almost couldn't get in, until my sister and boyfriend were telling the bouncer they'd call his manager because he just let a bunch of teenage girls behind him in. He asks me to recite my ID number and in my dizziness I manage to say it confidently. When we walk inside the large square, I see about five twelve year olds walking around with their parents. AND I WASN'T ALLOWED IN?! We sit outside under a student bar's cover, and it's pouring insanely around us. I start to think that I'm holding myself pretty well for a first time "drinker drinker", and I actually start to believe it when the tipsiness starts to disappear from my system and I can see clearly now "the rain is gone". Sorry, just had to add that song in. Then, my sister tells me to order something to drink and I tell her I don't want anything, because I'm just starting to sober up. But everyone wants me to celebrate this one time for doing something so great that "the rest of them were too high to ever try attempting in school." The anti-Christ boyfriend buys me a Mango Brutal Fruit, and it's just like a juice - except conked - so I still couldn't see what the point of alcohol was, when God invented the Electronic Juicer (available from all retail outlets). It starts to rain again and gets really windy, so we go inside the bar and sit in a corner table away from the cold outside. Then, the guys order more shots and everyone does a weird toast and that's just the string of many drinks I can't remember having. Another Mango Brutal Fruit lands in my lap, and then the barman pours a weird blue drink down everyone's throats, and more shots come. I have to say, the conversation was good, and so was the company - the feeling? Not so much. Then everybody keeps testing me on the talent I told you about, and they're asking me really big words and even though I'm almost drunk, I still manage to say how many letters are in the words pretty accurately. But I'm not so far gone that I don't remember I have an 11pm curfew.

So, by 10:30pm, Mrs. Depp and the anti-Christ decide to take me home. When we stand up to leave, I suddenly get this urge to dance on the table (I don't know why). But luckily, Mrs. Depp pulls my arm and we say our goodbyes to everybody. We start walking but everything is a blur, though I do remember trying prufusely to convince Mrs. Depp that I'm not drunk and can walk perfectly on my own. I remeber thinking, "This is how that girl felt in Fame when she got drunk and rapped on the bench. I starred as a girl who got drunk in a Grade Ten play, and now I realise I played my character all wrong and too sober. Though, in a book I wrote when I was 14, the lead character gets drunk, and the dialogue I wrote is very exact, and I sound just like her right now." Suddenly I blink and we're walking on the road. A man in the shadows greets me and I really feel stupid and scared for not carrying a cleaver at that moment. Then, I blink again and you know what? It feels like someone hit me on the head with a giant book, and all the chapters fell out because I don't remember what happened after I saw the shadow-man. I stare out the window and suddenly I'm fifteen minutes away from home, and the road signs are blurred, and the street lights look like a scene from that alien movie Signs. The car is moving too slow and yet too fast, and I'm actually pinching myself to wake up and grabbing my arm violently, but the pain is so light it's like I'm imagining it. I start to speak and I sound like a Britis person, and Mrs. Depp and anti-Christ are laughing at me and talking to me and I start yelling at them, then I have a long long LOOOOOONG conversation with them, not rememebring what I said. If you, like me, haven't been drunk before, let me tell you how it feels:

It feels like a dream, where you can say or do anything - even stupid - and no one will care because drunk people have a right to plain stupidity. I told myself a billion times, "Don't say that. Don't say that! You'll sound like an idiot!" I try to tell my conscience, "Okay, I won't say it" and then I just end up blurting out all the twisted thoughts in me, Punk Goddess's mind. I try speaking sentences that start with vowels and end up stuttering like that guy in Brice Almighty. I can't finish the alphabet. I finish the alphabet and it's wrong. I see the lane to my house sloping downwards and I tell the anti-Christ to stop because the road is moving further and further away. We turn into my street, and the noises in my head are getting louder and louder. Mrs. Depp keeps asking if she has to walk me inside, over and over it goes on in my mind. She opens my door and my legs refuse to move. I literally have to throw my legs out and I think I remember by sister holding me up. I reach for the intercom button and I miss. Miraculously, the gate opens. It's 11:09pm. My sister quietly tells me to use that A I got in Drama and act sober. She tells me to act. And that's what I do.

I see my father (I think) by the door and then I don't remember what happens. We have a conversation where I try extremely hard not to laugh, then my sister levaes and the car drives away and my dad tells me to lock up because he wants to close everything. I'm not sure if he's watching me because I can't see a thing behind or next to me. I reach for the lock, and stumble like that for a few minutes. I manage to lock the door (somehow) and my dad closes his bedroom door. I find my room and then realise I can't find my handbag. I find it right next to me, close my room door and start throwing off my clothes. I remeber knocking into everything in my room, trying with extreme effort to put my pyjamas on. I put my legs into the holes of the shorts; I use the mirror to put my top on. I reach and reach for my bed. I switch my alarm on and off a couple of times, then the lights, and finally I get into bed and lie like that for a long time. I wonder if I'll get into trouble in the morning.

When I wake up, it's 6am and I'm wide awake. No matter how much I try, I can't get back to sleep. As I jump out of bed, I feel extremely good and not tired at all, and I look down at my pyjamas - I'm wearing them backwards. When I walk into the kitchen, I'm not thirsty at all like you're supposed to feel after drinking so much. I see my father, and he doesn't even greet or look at me, or ask me about last night or if I was drunk. I thnik he knows.

Ironically, tonight's movie on TV is The Hangover, and it's almost lunchtime yet I have not had a hangover. At all. I feel so full of energy, I'd drink more but I hate the out-of-control feeling you get when you're drunk. No hangover? Full of energy? Sobered up? This is perfect. Lord, I know I'm Agnostic, but if you can hear me - I AM NEVER DRINKING AGAIN.

Current Mood: Hangover-less, happy and not wanting to see dear daddy when he comes back from work...

Current Music: I have the song, funny enough, "You Look Better When I'm Drunk" by the White Tie Affair, running through my head.

Current Quote: "I'm not drunk! I promise you Mrs. Depp. See? I'll prove it - I can walk straight for you." (Almost walks into a wall)

ADVERT: "Did you have no water and thousands of drinks last night, and you've got a severe hangover? I think you've found my missing hangover. Just call Punk Goddess." AKA Me. =D

"You see I raise a toast to all of us who are breakin' our backs every day. If wantin' the good life is such a crime, Lord, then put me away. Here's to ya. Ain't lookin' for nothin' but a good time, and it don't get better than this..."

Love you lots unlike Vodka Shots
Punk Goddess

AKA, former Sip-Face


Anonymous said...

Lol naughty girl. Atleast you had fun, i think

Matt said...

Haha dude, sounds lyk u had an insane nyt

***Lollipop said...

Congrats on th results chick! =) Shit hw th hell did ya manage 6 big ones?

Plain Yellow T said...

God, hahahahaha! A wild night cuz, partied hard I see. Jealous that you got to do something after New Year's, and I'm waiting for the next event and the next 'Fish Bowl'... Don't party too hard without me, missing you too much. Congrats on the results by the way!