Friday, October 22, 2010

The Climb

"I can almost see it, that dream I am dreaming. But there's a voice inside my head saying 'You'll never reach it.' But I gotta keep trying. Gotta keep my head held high... There's always gonna be another mountain, I'm always gonna wanna make it move. Always gonna be a uphill battle sometimes I'm gonna have to lose. Ain't about how fast I get there, ain't about what's waiting on the other side... It's the climb." - The Climb by Miley Cyrus

As much as I dislike Chipmunk Cyrus, and the rest of her Hannah Montana croonies, you gotta admit that this song actually makes a lot of sense. Let's face it, the year is almost over and most of you probably haven't even looked twice at your last New Year's resolutions list. With that in mind, it's time to move on and simply appreciate what's left of the end of another decade. (Not that I've been through too many, mind you. I'm not that old...)

I have 41 days (according to the SMS Damelin sent me) before my schooling career (or prison sentence) is over. That's it. 41 days. And 4 days before finals start. 4 days before the pressure sinks in, and it's time to start building walls of steel and dedication. Yesterday was my school's D-day/4 day Celebration thing for the Matrics, where the girls dress as guys and vice versa, coupled with underage drinking and incognito making-out. And of course, yours truly wasn't allowed to go for the "event" if you can call it that, because, according to yours truly's dad, "I should be using the time to study and improve my dismal Physics and Maths marks." So while my friends were roaming the school dressed as confused transvestites, I was at home exploring the alluring complexity that is Linear Programming and Logarithms. Needless to say, I was slightly upset - especially when I saw the online photos taken yesterday at school. It looked like so much of fun...

Moving on to greener pastures, my Physics mark for preliminary exams was... SUCKISH. LOL I won't lie; my sister got a distinction in Physics but not Maths when she graduated. I am going to get a distinction in Maths, but let's face it - NOT IN SCIENCE. And the funny thing was, when the letter from one of the universities came in September that I was rejected from Medicine (even though when I applied, my marks were good) I was shockingly relieved. I wasn't even disappointed that I was rejected, I was... indifferent. If I could help it, I'd pack up my things and head to the enthralling place known as Hollywood, and become a Script Writer & Film Producer. I. Am. A. Movie. Fanatic. But let's face it - I can't help it and you're not a billionaire. I have know idea where I'm going to study next year, which university is going to accept me, and what life is going to bring. I'm the academic runner-up in my grade, and yet I'm dead scared of the unknown.

Do you know what it's like to have so much expected of you your whole life, but not get much credit after you've achieved it? I used to feel upset about this: When people who achieved one A after they graduated were promised a car by their parents, and yet there I was, balancing on a tight rope with 7 As to boast for, with nothing but a mere "Good job" and a pile of chores to count for. It used to faze me, but then Charlie Chick told me to start doing things for myself, and not to impress other people. Because one day, when I'm really successful, all those people are going to feel terrible for not supporting me when they had reason to.

But I'm still here - this life. An indefinite future. And an empty postbox craving the attention of an acceptance letter... It's as if I just reached a new revelation: Twelve years of being a top academic scholar, the fastest female athlete in Junior high and a hefty file full of certificates. And what do I have to show for it?

And that's the imminent problem with aiming too high...

Current Music: You guys have to check out Cash Cash's new elctronic/rock single, "Red Cup (I Fly Solo)" It's sooo amazing!!! Oh, and catchy, and all the other stuff.

Current Mood: Confused. Don't ask why. I'm confused as to why.

Current Quote: "I don't think of what might happen, only what must be done." - Lucius Hunt from The Village, when asked why he is always so fearless.

Ooh, I have a new, recently-discovered talent but maybe I'll tell you in a later note.

Until next time
MEEE (Sorry if you were waiting for someone else LOL)