Friday, January 7, 2011

Nothin' But A Good Time versus Raise Your Glass

Hahaha, where to start? First of all, I just found out it's only ten in the morning yet I feel like I'm walking around at half-past three in the afternoon. Okay, I promised you results and a story, so here goes. Let me start off with a song as I always do...
"I'm always workin' slavin' every day" - this part describes me well. "Gotta get a break from the same old same old. I need a chance just to get away, if you could hear me think this is what I'd say: Don't need nothin' but a good time. How can I resist? Ain't lookin' for nothin' but a good time, and it don't get better than this..." Thank you to rock legends Poison for such general drunk thinking in their lyrics 'Nothin' But A Good Time', although the Teddy Geiger cover is much hotter.
Then, I realised I couldn't decide between this song and Pink's, "Raise Your Glass." Hope it fits: "So raise your glass if you are wrong, in all the right ways. All my underdogs, we will never be never be anything but loud and nitty gritty, dirty little freaks. Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass, just come on and come on and raise your glass!" Totally kickass song!

Okay, so yesterday I got the verdict: I got six A's!!! Whoopee, and I don't know how it happened, but I actually got an A in Maths for the first time in my entire teenage life. Think: 5 highschool years, 20 terms and a lot of D's and C's for Maths. Then boom! A big fat A; I could cry but my granny already did that while I was trying to read my friends' results. And I increased by more than 25% in Physics - I needed only 5% to get an A! Yessis, that was awesome because I thought I was gonna fail Physics yo. But of course, my Science Teacher dad didn't seem happy with my results, and I was a bit upset that the parentals weren't going to let me see my sister yesterday. My granny told me today that she convinced them to let me go out with my sister last night. And this is where the story starts:

First, my parents took my grandparents and I out for lunch yesterday and that was really nice. Plus, my grandfather gave me quite a big some of money yesterday. He told me in September that he would give me a thousand bucks for every distinction that I managed. Thank goodness that didn't happen, because I would never ever take six thousand rand from an old man, but he did give me a smaller amount, thank the Chivalry Lord. Okay, so after a bunch of phonecalls and a billion texs about my results, I eventually managed to get changed at 4pm to go and meet with my sister. So I get to the mall at 6pm, and my parents just drop me off in the parking lot because they'd apparently "lose it" if they had to walk me in and see my sister with her boyfriend the anti-Christ. Then, I greet my sister - let's just refer to her as Mrs. Depp from now onwards - and we walk to the other side of the mall where her boyfriend, his band mates and a couple of other strangers are sitting and having a few drinks. That's where it pretty much went all wrong. My sister tells her BF that I got six A's, and then one woman hears, then a guy, then another guy, and soon the entire table has this brilliant idea to celebrate my nerdy achievements by ordering one too many. The waitress first brings me a lemonade (with I think Southern Comfort in it) - twas pointless coz it tasted like lemonade on crack if that could ever happen. Then the first shot comes, and it's three layers of brown and cream, and another layer of plain stupidity. Utterly gross gross gross. Then they all order more drinks for themselves, and decide to bring my sister and I as a celebratory drink (I think) a Jameson 'On The Rocks' and that was alright, I guess.
Now, if you think about it, by then I should have already gotten tipsy. I mean, I only ate five hours before, and I never had a glass of water or anything since 2pm. By 8pm I felt like I was going to fall off the Himalayas. And then more shots come. The rest of the strangers left, because they had to work today or show a straight face for their boss or spouses. So, it's only the band mates and my sister and I left. And one random stranger guy. So we head to another place IN another place, and by now my sister had to hold my hand to help me cross the road. Heck, Charlie Chick helps me cross the road when I'm sober and now...
I get a text from a friend saying 'Congratulations' on my results. I start walking sideways while texting, and manage to type in English.

So, we get to the other place which is right near the mall we were at before. I forgot my ID (stupid ass me) and we almost couldn't get in, until my sister and boyfriend were telling the bouncer they'd call his manager because he just let a bunch of teenage girls behind him in. He asks me to recite my ID number and in my dizziness I manage to say it confidently. When we walk inside the large square, I see about five twelve year olds walking around with their parents. AND I WASN'T ALLOWED IN?! We sit outside under a student bar's cover, and it's pouring insanely around us. I start to think that I'm holding myself pretty well for a first time "drinker drinker", and I actually start to believe it when the tipsiness starts to disappear from my system and I can see clearly now "the rain is gone". Sorry, just had to add that song in. Then, my sister tells me to order something to drink and I tell her I don't want anything, because I'm just starting to sober up. But everyone wants me to celebrate this one time for doing something so great that "the rest of them were too high to ever try attempting in school." The anti-Christ boyfriend buys me a Mango Brutal Fruit, and it's just like a juice - except conked - so I still couldn't see what the point of alcohol was, when God invented the Electronic Juicer (available from all retail outlets). It starts to rain again and gets really windy, so we go inside the bar and sit in a corner table away from the cold outside. Then, the guys order more shots and everyone does a weird toast and that's just the string of many drinks I can't remember having. Another Mango Brutal Fruit lands in my lap, and then the barman pours a weird blue drink down everyone's throats, and more shots come. I have to say, the conversation was good, and so was the company - the feeling? Not so much. Then everybody keeps testing me on the talent I told you about, and they're asking me really big words and even though I'm almost drunk, I still manage to say how many letters are in the words pretty accurately. But I'm not so far gone that I don't remember I have an 11pm curfew.

So, by 10:30pm, Mrs. Depp and the anti-Christ decide to take me home. When we stand up to leave, I suddenly get this urge to dance on the table (I don't know why). But luckily, Mrs. Depp pulls my arm and we say our goodbyes to everybody. We start walking but everything is a blur, though I do remember trying prufusely to convince Mrs. Depp that I'm not drunk and can walk perfectly on my own. I remeber thinking, "This is how that girl felt in Fame when she got drunk and rapped on the bench. I starred as a girl who got drunk in a Grade Ten play, and now I realise I played my character all wrong and too sober. Though, in a book I wrote when I was 14, the lead character gets drunk, and the dialogue I wrote is very exact, and I sound just like her right now." Suddenly I blink and we're walking on the road. A man in the shadows greets me and I really feel stupid and scared for not carrying a cleaver at that moment. Then, I blink again and you know what? It feels like someone hit me on the head with a giant book, and all the chapters fell out because I don't remember what happened after I saw the shadow-man. I stare out the window and suddenly I'm fifteen minutes away from home, and the road signs are blurred, and the street lights look like a scene from that alien movie Signs. The car is moving too slow and yet too fast, and I'm actually pinching myself to wake up and grabbing my arm violently, but the pain is so light it's like I'm imagining it. I start to speak and I sound like a Britis person, and Mrs. Depp and anti-Christ are laughing at me and talking to me and I start yelling at them, then I have a long long LOOOOOONG conversation with them, not rememebring what I said. If you, like me, haven't been drunk before, let me tell you how it feels:

It feels like a dream, where you can say or do anything - even stupid - and no one will care because drunk people have a right to plain stupidity. I told myself a billion times, "Don't say that. Don't say that! You'll sound like an idiot!" I try to tell my conscience, "Okay, I won't say it" and then I just end up blurting out all the twisted thoughts in me, Punk Goddess's mind. I try speaking sentences that start with vowels and end up stuttering like that guy in Brice Almighty. I can't finish the alphabet. I finish the alphabet and it's wrong. I see the lane to my house sloping downwards and I tell the anti-Christ to stop because the road is moving further and further away. We turn into my street, and the noises in my head are getting louder and louder. Mrs. Depp keeps asking if she has to walk me inside, over and over it goes on in my mind. She opens my door and my legs refuse to move. I literally have to throw my legs out and I think I remember by sister holding me up. I reach for the intercom button and I miss. Miraculously, the gate opens. It's 11:09pm. My sister quietly tells me to use that A I got in Drama and act sober. She tells me to act. And that's what I do.

I see my father (I think) by the door and then I don't remember what happens. We have a conversation where I try extremely hard not to laugh, then my sister levaes and the car drives away and my dad tells me to lock up because he wants to close everything. I'm not sure if he's watching me because I can't see a thing behind or next to me. I reach for the lock, and stumble like that for a few minutes. I manage to lock the door (somehow) and my dad closes his bedroom door. I find my room and then realise I can't find my handbag. I find it right next to me, close my room door and start throwing off my clothes. I remeber knocking into everything in my room, trying with extreme effort to put my pyjamas on. I put my legs into the holes of the shorts; I use the mirror to put my top on. I reach and reach for my bed. I switch my alarm on and off a couple of times, then the lights, and finally I get into bed and lie like that for a long time. I wonder if I'll get into trouble in the morning.

When I wake up, it's 6am and I'm wide awake. No matter how much I try, I can't get back to sleep. As I jump out of bed, I feel extremely good and not tired at all, and I look down at my pyjamas - I'm wearing them backwards. When I walk into the kitchen, I'm not thirsty at all like you're supposed to feel after drinking so much. I see my father, and he doesn't even greet or look at me, or ask me about last night or if I was drunk. I thnik he knows.

Ironically, tonight's movie on TV is The Hangover, and it's almost lunchtime yet I have not had a hangover. At all. I feel so full of energy, I'd drink more but I hate the out-of-control feeling you get when you're drunk. No hangover? Full of energy? Sobered up? This is perfect. Lord, I know I'm Agnostic, but if you can hear me - I AM NEVER DRINKING AGAIN.

Current Mood: Hangover-less, happy and not wanting to see dear daddy when he comes back from work...

Current Music: I have the song, funny enough, "You Look Better When I'm Drunk" by the White Tie Affair, running through my head.

Current Quote: "I'm not drunk! I promise you Mrs. Depp. See? I'll prove it - I can walk straight for you." (Almost walks into a wall)

ADVERT: "Did you have no water and thousands of drinks last night, and you've got a severe hangover? I think you've found my missing hangover. Just call Punk Goddess." AKA Me. =D

"You see I raise a toast to all of us who are breakin' our backs every day. If wantin' the good life is such a crime, Lord, then put me away. Here's to ya. Ain't lookin' for nothin' but a good time, and it don't get better than this..."

Love you lots unlike Vodka Shots
Punk Goddess

AKA, former Sip-Face

Tuesday, January 4, 2011


HAPPY FUDGING NEW YEAR everybody!!! Wow! The blog is two years old already, (Happy Belated Birthday by the way if anyone cares) and the year is over. Time flew so fast. In about a month I'm going to start university and in two days I will be receiving my final school report results...

Let's recap what happened since my last post:

"It's time to come together, it's up to you, what's your pleasure? Everyone around the world - come on! There's a party goin' on right here, a celebration to last throughout the years. So bring your good times, and your laughter too. We gonna celebrate your party with you..." I don't care if it's old. When I was on the dancefloor, and Kool & The Gang's "Celebration" came on, I got chills up my spine. 2011 IS FINALLY HERE!!!

So, after my last post (the 12th December) I had to tend to visitors on a regular basis. Some clean, some not so hygienic, and some very demanding and lazy. Then, a week before Christmas, my parents and grandprents and I left for a week-long vacation to the beach. It was rather boring, me being on my own and without my sister. The highlight of my stay was riding the luggage carts late at night after walking to get ice-cream. And, one day at the beach, a bunch of Indian guys (approximately eleven or so in a group) held hands, made a chain and did the mexican wave in the water. Thereafter, they were screaming like little girls on fire when a teeny tiny wave came. It also kind of sucked, because I was squished between my grandparents in the backseat, and for the whole eight hour trip I didn't sleep at all - even coming back home. It was awful! Because there were five of us travelling, there was no space in the trunk to put mine and my dad's boogey-boards. So, for the first time in almost six years I had to go to the beach and actually SWIM SWIM like in the shallow end. Naturally, I always get swearing by the lifeguards over the intercom because I either go too near the rocks or I go too deep in the water. Even with my board the lifeguards always refer to me as that, "Girl in the deep end getting pulled away can you please come back to the shore..."
And being daring me, I swam in the water even though there were rumours of blue-bottle jellyfish all week long. Besides, whenever my dad or I saw the jellyfish on the shore, we picked them up like the good citizens we are and buried them in the sand so no one would get stung. Fellyjish are real funny balloon-headed creatures.

When we got back home, it was Christmas Eve and none of my family was around so we sat at home. Of course, things never changed - not even on Christmas - and the Witch Bitch made me clean the entire house and screamed at me a lot. Don't you just love the holidays? Then, her mother came and stayed for about the 23rd time this year (and that's after June) and messed my bathroom just after I spent 45 minutes cleaning it. When I say mess, I mean the kind of stuff you find in public bathrooms. I hate it when my mother's mother stays over. I'd complain more but I'd need more blog space.

Luckily, my cousin asked me to join her and her friends on New Year's Eve, and my parents actually let me go. I mean, they don't approve of me not spending Xmas (even though we're Hindu)or New Year's without them. That was a real shocker that my dad let me go. We went to this lounge-club-restaurant thing, and it was so much of fun! We were dancing and there was a drunk guy who was friend's with my cousin's cousin's friend at work, and his name was Peter and he was smooching some random lady and a bunch of people I don't know were dancing next to me and our waitress was passed out after midnight and the others were smoking a cherry filled Hooka pipe and the music was awesome and yeah... It was pretty funny. Plus, I drank. Me. Can you imagine? Me. They served a glass of champagne an hour before the food came, and that had already made me so tipsy. When the food came, my cousin ordered a Strawberry Daquiri for me and it was utterly gross, as was the champagne. While we were dancing we all had a Sours shooter, I think that's what it was called and that was okay I guess. I'm still sticking to my Chocolate Milkshake thank you very much. Alcohol is gross, like medicine gross.

Now, I'm at home and I have decided to continue writing a book I started in Grade Ten. I'm trying to get my mind off the fact that results are coming out in two days' time. I already had a nightmare about failing Maths Paper 3, and I need to get about six distinctions otherwise I know the people counting on me are gonna give it to me. Teachers in my old school have been counting on me since 2007. Can you imagine being in Grade Nine and already having to think about graduating highschool with atleast six A's??? No, you can't sweety, because that's like a toddler having to plan his Pension Fund on his fifth birthday! Two days... Wish me luck.
"I wish you the best of luck!"
Why, thank you conscience.
"No problemo Darling."

Current Mood: Freaking the freak out! (It's a song by Victoria Justice as well, haha...)

Current Music: "Spotlight" by FALL OUT BOY'S lead singer, Patrick Stump. I cannot wait for his new solo album to come out, even though my favourite band FALL OUT BOY is taking a break and may just disband. Either way, it's Patrick's time to shine out of hottie Pete Went's selfish spotlight!

Current Quote: "People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas" and also, "The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul" - G K Chesterton.Have a great year guys, hope you all fulfill your new year's resolutions. I will blog again, very soon after my results are released on Thursday.
This is a new year and a new chance to get it right, so make every day count.

P.S. Everybody should throw a party on the 21st December this year, because according to the Mayan Calender Prophecy and the movie 2012, the Earth is going to go KABBOOOMS!!!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom, all my lovely Fellyjishes

"We're gonna have a good time tonight, let's celebrate it's alright..."