Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Someone To Fall Back On

I'm not going to lie, life is not going good at the moment. If I'm not constantly studying then I'm constantly failing or hurting a friend without my knowledge, or getting hurt and all that jazz. And then it gets even more confusing because everyone will tell you that you're the nicest person ever, and you could be someone to fall back on - but it's starting to be really hard to keep putting people before myself. So here I start, with an Alyson Michalka cover of "Someone To Fall Back On":

"You'll never see any scars or wounds - I dont walk on coals, I wont walk on water: I am no prince, I am no saint, I am not anyone's wildest dream. But I will stand behind and be someone to fall back on..."

Like they say - you can please some of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time.

Campus is very hectic, and I am really starting to hate my course. So much, that I am considering blowing up the Dean's office with a bag of peanuts and a stun gun. Okay, maybe that would work better in my mind. But still. I know I was never cut out for Science or Commerce - a creative future, where do I sign up? - but I had no idea trying to get into Medicine at this particular torture chamber would be so... to put it plainly, DEPRESSING. My cousin is studying Medicine elsewhere and they are not doing the slightest bit of Physis or rough Chemistry like my friends and I are. Wait wait wait, this is all wrong. I'm not one to talk about my own feelings, so let's get down to blog business.

Campus closed last Friday for 9 days and counting - the worst study break ever. And then it's 5 tests when I get back. Ah, the joys of a higher education. That hobo on the corner by the bakery is starting to look really intelligent right now. My Sunshine from high school is working at a Photography place this year, and she and her colleagues routinely burst into work assignments, by travelling the world with recently hired cute boys at the firm. Now that, my fellow readers, is the life.

I went out for lunch with my sister last Tuesday and Thursday, who also seems to be living the life: relaxing in restaurants with a table next to David Bowie, going for U2 concerts, opening your door in Monaco to see Lady gaga's face, visiting London and Turkey, attending fashion shows... Plus, her 21st birthday is coming up, so I wonder what's going to happen then, and how she's going to shock me into self-pity this time. After all, the best prize is a surpise. Also, a ticket to Paris never hurt anybody.

Jason X's birthday is the day before my sister's birthday, and figuring out what to get him is one mission Jason Bourne and James Bond would never be able to accomplish.
And, I just discovered that Mother's Day is next Sunday - whoopee, I haven't gotten the Witch Bitch anything as yet, so now I am royally screwed. Besides, an ex-student of my mother's (who also happens to be the gang's friend) assured me that she also thought my mother was not the nicest jellytot in the pack, making her one horrible former teacher. Thank you for making me feel less crazy ex-student.

Besides, what DO you get a dragon for a HUMAN mother's day?

Yesterday my family and I went to my favourite game reserve for the 3rd time, where we got locked in during my first 2 visits. The first time (when I was about 9) a rhino charged the car, and my crazy dad was videoing this while reversing the vehicle. So we were late for the gate 6pm closing.
The second visit was 2 years ago, and we were on our way to the gate when about 15-20 elephants blocked the path to have an intense physical fight. Yeah, I saw elephants trying to kill each other, and we had to go back the way we had come and try to find another gate. By the time we found another exit, the gates were already locked.
But, 3rd time's the lucky charm. It was raining before gate closing time yesterday, so there were no animals to be seen after 4pm and we made it out of the gate (sadly) without a story.

Ah, the dreaded feeling has started to come back, so that's my cue to return to studying. One last thing, I am sorry for unintentionally hurting my friend, especially since we're not supposed to be stressing or feeling bad over this study break. Not that the word "unintentional" makes the situation any less better, but making people sad was not high on my bucket list. Again, I am sorry friend. I hope we can work things out when I see you for real. =)

Current Mood: Dread, stress, insomniatic, hungry, tired, up-and-down and happy in the absence of Physics. Borderline Existentialist, sort of.

Current Music: Anybody who hates or likes R&B should Youtube Jason Chen. He does the best covers, and his friend, Megan Lee, puts Justin Bieber to shame. I mean it - it sounds as if Justin Bieber stole HER vocal cords! He even did a cool "Nothin' On You/Breakeven" mashup (by Bruno Mars and The Script respectively).

Also, I have to give props to the best undiscoevered electro band, "Cash Cash". Their latest album, "Love Or Lust" came out only days ago, and I know that they rock simply because the lyrics in this entire album are so filthy and wrong, that I would never ever listen to anything like it. Every song contains the word "dirty" in it, or something relating to sex, yet I am actually listening to this album. That's how I know a good potential band when I see one. My top 5 favourite songs off the album:

5. One Night Stand

4. Jaw Drop

3. Dirty Lovin' (do you see how raw all the song titles are?!)

2. Sexin' On The Dancefloor

1. And my all-time favourite, Victim Of Love

Please check out these songs, especially the last 3. You ears might thank me for it.

Current Quote: "You're a parenthesis..." - from the film Up In The Air, which basically means the person who tells you that thinks you're nothing but an afterthought.

"And Im the one who's looking for a favour. Still, honestly, you don't believe me. But the things I have are the things you need. I'll be the one who waits, and for as long as youll let me I will be the one you need. I'll be someone to fall back on"

Maybe it's time to put my judgement aside and learn to take things as they come. Maybe I should do what my friend Gold says and let things happen. Puh-lease! As if Jason X's present is just going to fall from the sky, or with time my sister will move back, or I may just pass Physics, or that there's a possibility people would just know when and what I want. Maybe there's a possibiblity I would know what I want, career wise. Or everything else.

Perhaps I should stop worrying about everyone and everything else, and start to open up. Maybe I too just need someone to fall back on.