Sunday, August 23, 2009

21 (thousand) guns

“Do you know what's worth fighting for? When it's not worth dying for? Does it take your breath away? And you feel yourself suffocating… Does the pain weigh out the pride? And you look for a place to hide? Did someone break your heart inside? You're in ruins… One, 21 guns. Lay down your arms, give up the fight. One, 21 guns. Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I…” Greenday’s new single, “21 Guns”, justifies the strains of pure desperation and anguish in our lives. To be honest, I don’t really like their new sound, but just for today, this song randomly popped into my head for the above reason.
So, last week Saturday was the drama eisteddfod and as usual, I over exaggerate things in my mind. There was no competition. None. Zilch. Only four girls in the grade 11 division, and embarrassingly enough, Charlie Chick was with me when my “Drama deprived” mother decided to criticize me on my performance; in front of Charlie Chick. And, my unconventional parents tend to do things like that – in the mall no doubt. So, I think it was on Thursday 20 August that my dad started having an argument with me in front of my cousin on the way home from school. And then he called me a real stupid and insulted me as if she wasn’t even in the car, (Oh yeah, I’ve been staying after school for the past three weeks for house play practices). And then Tuesday is the elimination round for my house, and if we make it, four of the eight houses chosen at school get to perform at the finals on Thursday evening – and on Thursday afternoon I’m going for a day at that stupid university thing again. Phew! So, a lot is happening. Not to mention that I’m writing control tests as well.
Today was some lame Hindu religiong thing, because it wasn’t even two weeks since there were another two celebrations: Krishna Janmastami and Lakshmi Pooja. Now, today was Ganesha Pooja. Whoopee! And me, being the agnostic that I am (although the dictionary on Microsoft Word gives a synonym for “Agnostic” being atheist, that is so NOT true!!!), I really dreaded praying today. I’ve been studying the whole weekend, and now I must still get my act together and sing. (Oh, and there is no synonym for “synonym” on Microsoft Word, LOL.), which is just a random fact, but anyway. And I’m going on a bracket using spree today in the blog as you can see, and I know I’m using all of them incorrectly, but I don’t really give an elephant’s ass about my punctuation at this point in time. So my mother starts cooking early in the morning, and my grandparents weren’t even at home since Friday. Then I get up at about 9 and I have to wipe the dishes and start with the housework. So much for a lazy Sunday! Then I’m running up and down after that bitch’s ass cleaning stuff and making the prayer things ready and get swearing from both my parents. Then we start praying in the prayer room and I’m on the verge of tears because I really don’t want to do this but I’m forced to. Then my mother-bitch starts singing and my dad looks at the coconut and realizes it’s dirty on top. Then they start arguing about the damn thing (the coconut) and he goes to the kitchen to clean it again. And she tells me irritably if I don’t want to pray I must just go. Then she starts singing all over again and I have to pretend to believe in God, so I sing quietly with her, then her voice goes all weird and she just stops. Then she puts her head down and starts crying and walks away for no fucking reason at all. So I’m left there, standing in the prayer room and then I hear them in the TV room. And he asks her what happened and she’s all like nobody wants to pray, and she got up early to cook and nobody is interested in praying, blah blah blah. And then he says that he realizes that every time we have to pray we fight and he realizes it’s my fault. Then he walks into the lounge (which is facing the prayer room) and starts shouting me, saying everything is my fault, and I’m the reason we fight and like half-swears and you can see he’s trying real hard not to take my head and bash it into the tiled floor just like how my mother did to my sister the night she left. And then he walks away and I say I want to pray. Then I start crying and the phone rings and it’s his fucking stupid cousin, and I tell my dad the phone is for him and he answers it and tells his stupid cousin everything. And how I want to pursue a “Christian faith.” And that I’m too westernized. Hell, I don’t even believe in my own God, why the fuck would I believe in Jesus. Then for the rest of the day we don’t pray or speak to each other and we still aren’t. Because, let me tell you, my parents are not like normal Indian parents. They believe that you must sing out loud, otherwise you are not praying and that if you don’t pray for at least one hour on a festival, you are not spiritual. They also believe that if I don’t pray to an Indian God, I should be disowned or that my spending money should be taken away. Also, if I don’t want to celebrate some stupid festival for a fake God, then I can’t eat the food that they prepared for it and must make my own food. They aren’t like my friends’ parents. Most of them don’t even go to temple, or sing at all, and ¾ of them hardly even light the lamp anymore. But nooooooooo, my parents wanna be fucking priests and drag me along with them, and fast everyday God damn day! That’s how Hinduism is flawed. They believe in all Gods and equality, but truth be told, I have never met a sole Hindu person that actually carries out these principles. At all. What kind of a religion forces you to believe in something against your will, and that the followers of it believe that if you don’t want to accept it as the truth it then you are not worth of going out in public? What shit is that? From the way they’re acting now, it actually makes me want to leave home too.
Because if I have to live for even one more day in a family that believes that men should eat before women, and that praying to a fucking cow is going to make us all millionaires, then I’ll have no choice but to go terminally insane.

Current Mood: I’m fucking swearing for the most part of this crappy blog – so what the fuck do you think?!

Current Music: Nothing. I’m too scared they’ll come into the computer room and beat me like old times.

Current Quote: “Let the good times roll.”
No pun intended, honest.

And my granny wasn’t even here to prevent all this from happening. Nooooo, she’s too busy having a blast at my aunt, The Nagger’s house.

I have to go bury my sins because apparently God forgives all except those that don’t sing “Saranam, Saranam” out loud. My life is like the movie “Saved”, where they throw a Bible at this girl because she’s unholy.


Punk_G0ddess, a fucking real prisoner princess of modern society. Well, it could have been worse – I could have been born an Asian priestess in 1901. Sorry for the language.

OMG! The weirdest thing just happened! As I was logging into Blogspot to add a new blog post, I accidentally typed in and it took me to a Bible site! "BlogPSOT - the world's biggest Bible site." That is so freaky!!! Two letters - from blogSPOT to blog PSOT. Way to make me feel guilty for swearing, but now I'm too lazy to go back and delete all the bad words.
Bye... =)